Written by DeAnn Flynn - a "Time Out for Women" presenter
(This is a great message for all of us parents to remember, so I decided to share it)
Before I got married, no one ever sat me down and had "the talk." You know, the talk about...laundry. Remarkably, even without previous counsel, I've developed some pretty sweet laundry skills and learned a great deal over the years. Perhaps my greatest realization is how much I've come to respect bleach.
With seven active children, bleach has become my trusted companion – often saving a seemingly hopeless article of clothing. It has disinfected things I would only touch with rubber gloves and a gas mask. But my careless use of this powerful aid has also ruined many more things than I'd care to admit.
Once, in haste, some drops of bleach landed on my favorite laundry room rug. I noticed these drops right away and tried to rinse them out quickly, but the power of that bleach proved to be immediate and irreversible. The next day, I carefully colored the spots in with a mustard colored marker. (I challenge you to find one of those!) It helped, but I'm still reminded of that mistake every time I do my wash. Those bleach spots have taught me a priceless lesson.
You see, bleach is a lot like words.The words we choose can lift and mend, restore and renew. They can also permanently damage and deface. Words are quick and powerful. Once uttered, they cannot be retracted. Whether we use them with care and respect, or thoughtlessness and haste, words can (and do) change lives forever.
I'll never forget the time I overheard some friends joking about some of my weaknesses to one another in a mean-spirited way. When they realized I had heard them, they quickly came and asked to be forgiven. I did forgive, but the experience has been difficult to forget. Like bleach, the cruel stain was immediate and irreversible. Their repentance helped to fill in the painful spot (like my rare and wonderful mustard-colored marker), but the memory of those harsh words has been hard to completely erase.
The Apostle Paul delivered these wise words to the ancient Ephesians, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers....Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:29-32)
It's so easy to speak before we think. But most of us don't use intentionally hurtful words, we just get lazy and careless. We let our words fly like little drops of bleach here and there without measuring the effect they may have upon the hearer. The problem is, little children (and big adults) believe what we say to them. “Something's wrong with you," or "You just don't get it," or "If you could just see yourself."
I once called my daughter a "turtle" because she often moves like cold tar. One month later, while in a piano lesson, her teacher asked her to play more quickly. She replied, "I can't. I'm a turtle." My careless words had stained her self-perception. If only I could take those damaging words back...
Each day we have the opportunity to mend hearts and empower lives with our words. When we use them to build and inspire – people grow. We we degrade and criticize – people shrink. Our simple words of encouragement and praise can be life-changing.
As a matter of fact, they are.
